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Yamilet is still hurting from the way her best friend, Bianca, cuts her off after finding out about her queerness. In writing Yamilet, Reyes gives us insight into a character trying to figure out her own place at school, in religious circles and, ultimately, in the world. “I can’t imagine what it would’ve meant to read Reyes’ novel as a teenager, to hear someone put into words the guilt and fear I felt.” I walked down the hallways knowing that the majority of the students and the adults marked me as an anomaly, as someone unwanted. I was jumpy, forever trying to hide any affection between us. I can’t remember why, but Nancy often joked that the principal didn’t like us. Even though I believed I didn’t deserve to talk about it, my high school years did wear me down. The micro-aggressions, many of which I pushed down, didn’t seem worthy of bringing up, especially as an adult in a straight-passing relationship with a cis man. Queerness was seen as wrong and strange, and that judgment hung over us like a quiet fog.įor years, I told myself that because my coming out story didn’t result in physical violence, I shouldn’t overtly publicize my experience. When I realized I’d fallen for my classmate Nancy*, I didn’t initially think about what it might mean for us to be together in a small, Catholic school. Same-sex marriage wasn’t yet legal during my high school years, though there was definitely talk about it. The two repeatedly search for ways to feel at home in their own skin. Cesar takes the religious teachings around him to heart, feeling a deep shame about his identity. Yet in some moments (like the debate scene), it’s hard for Yamilet to maintain a strong sense of self. And when Cesar comes out as bisexual, she’s angry when she realizes this was the root of the “fights” he got into at school. She feels constantly judged by the Catholic community around her, furious that it won’t accept her full, queer self. While Yamilet doesn’t fully come out at her new school, she silently rages against others’ beliefs. The homophobia Yamilet and her brother Cesar grow up around seeps its way in.
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It takes effort to hide your true identity, and even more energy to stand firm about who you are in a room full of people who don’t consider you worthy. In another scene, Bo speaks up during mass, asking the priest why being queer is sinful, especially when gay marriage is legal the priest responds that while that might be the case, it’s still wrong in the view of Catholicism. Bo makes a point that it’s already legal, before storming out of class Yamilet, who’s assigned to the opposing group, runs to the bathroom to cry after hearing her classmates argue about why gay people shouldn’t get married. At one point, a teacher has students practice their debate skills, focusing on whether gay marriage should be legal. She develops a crush on Bo, who challenges the school leaders’ bigoted statements. Tasked with looking out for her brother, who often got into fights at his old school, Yamilet navigates a new social sphere. Reyes’ novel, then, immediately caught my attention. Even though I wore the uniform just like everyone else, I felt immensely out of place, because in those years, I realized I identified as bisexual.
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On the days we attended mass, which took place in the school’s gym, we had to wear a thicker, more formal skirt and a burgundy blazer. Like Yamilet, I attended a Catholic high school (mine was all-girls while hers is co-ed) where we were required to wear a uniform. Growing up, I didn’t know any stories about queer girls, especially Brown girls. The young adult novel weaves a story of teenage romance with discussions around first-generation pressures, migration, mental health, and growing pains. Sonora Reyes’ The Lesbiana’s Guide to Catholic School follows Yamilet’s struggles to keep her queerness under wraps, especially when she meets her new crush, a girl named Bo who isn’t afraid to wear rainbow attire and speak out against homophobic teachers. Hoping to start over, she decides to play the role of a super-straight girl in her new environment: a Catholic high school.
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When 16-year-old Yamilet came out, she lost her best friend and entire social circle.